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Archive for January 17th, 2011

“What gives you hope? And what, if anything, makes you question hope?”

There was more to this:  “And what makes you question your questions of hope? And…” but it strikes me as too silly to be addressed.

Hope is either completely abstract, or completely personal; it strikes too close to the heart to be neutral.

In the abstract, Hope is what keeps us going.  I can have Hope in a good outcome, in a successful tomorrow, in better, improved health, in eternal life — for that matter, I can Hope there’s a Supreme Being, if that’s what floats my boat.  (That’s really abstract, since I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that there is not only a  Generic Supreme Being, but God Himself.)  And of course, when any of these falls through, then I might question my confidence in Hope.

Or it can be very personal, painfully personal.  Off and on over the years, I’ve blogged about the situation with my daughter.  This past weekend, Hope raised its head again — Hope that whatever has been eating at her all these years might finally be put to rest — and was dashed, yet again, when she told me in no uncertain terms that she’d rather have no relationship at all than “a” painful relationship (implied:  a relationship with me).

Yet…  I hope.  Why, I’m not sure; something atavistic, perhaps, some maternal instinct that refuses to forget that I ever gave birth to a daughter, this daughter?  Maybe.  Maybe it’s the hope I have for life eternal in God, that same God Who never, ever gives up on one of His lost children:  If He won’t give up, how dare I?

There are a lot of hopes I could question, have questioned, because they were answered with a decisive Divine Who are you kidding?!  Ironically, though, I think that’s what helps me hold onto Hope, at the end of the day:  All those times my hopes were answered with  that very definite Don’t even go there.  The thing is, at my time in life, Ive found one funny thing about those hopes:  Invariably, what God is really saying is, “Why on earth would you want this, when what I actually have in mind for you is THIS?!” being something beyond my wildest imaginings.

So yes, I continue to hope.  Not just for this, this time, but for THIS.

P.S.  Does anybody know how to format text size in WordPress???    😉

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